So here lies some of my issues.
If I'm not working, I'm usually at home enjoying time with the kids. After that I do nothing else. I've never been one to go out and chase for the company of a woman. In the past I didn't go to a bar or a pub just looking to score, I went to have a good time with friends. However, I also wouldn't go if there wasn't an opportunity I could meet someone and hang out, women had to be there. What I'm saying is it wasn't all about that. Most relationships I've been in was usually something that occurred gradually. I wasn't out searching rather than it just stumbled along. I guess I never liked the pressure of having to be so damn impressive and unlike myself. The pressure of trying to convince someone in liking you, and being careful with things you say or do. I'm convince you really have to take time to know someone and first impressions aren't really the way to go. I'm usually a quiet, take a seat and survey your surroundings type guy. A this is what you get type person. But you do have to remove some layers to get to the core of me. Now I've had some nights that did eventually lead into a one night stand here and there, but I never went there with such expectations. If it came fine if it didn't that's fine too. I was young, If I wanted I could've called a handful of ladies to hang out with at the end of the night. And maybe that's it, maybe because I had it (player) perhaps I never felt the need to chase it as much. But now it's different. Many years have passed. So this going out and having a few drinks trying to meet someone to hook up with makes me nervous. And plus it's been a long time since I've been out there like that.
Then there are these dating web sites and apps. Now what I have found here is a selection of women ranging from escorts to women being so selective trying to find this hunk (I'm far from hunky) that they fall for so many of these guys that are players. These new players have evolved technologically and now peruse these social media outlets to score. I have a few friends that are guilty of this. Usually finding single mothers who so desperately want to feel rejuvenated again with the hopes of landing the one believing lies told to them. I've had friends say they were divorced cops because of the hours at work yada yada... That they're personal trainers... Stuff out of the movies. Which is cool, you can be as selective as you are but I hear constantly how they end up being victims of one night stands or that the guy leads a double life. To others it's another way to get a one night stand and dirty sex with no strings attached itch scratched. Then you have these crazy ones that look great (I'm not the one to look for the best looking one but I do have my standards) but once you talk to them they're just living out some mid life crisis and sometimes I'm like "wait, what?" Or the ones that take photos of themselves with their ass sticking out or flaunting cleavage, You're just trying too hard it seems. I'm not looking for all that I find the mind beautiful. Are they're any real normal people on these sites.
I will admit though, I actually know of a couple who after their initial marriages, they met on one of these sites and have lived happily ever after with their six kids. He has three boys, she has three girls. A real Brady bunch.
Then you have these escorts that you can find on Craigslist or Backpage or just drive around any motel if you want to go cheap you'll find them. As for me, no that's definitely not for me.
Which now comes to my wife. Now don't get me wrong IF I had someone else, I think after kissing the kids goodnight and sending them to bed I would be off and running. I think keeping my new relationship honest and loyal will help with my happiness. Why would I want to ruin a newfound happiness. My wife knows that the only reason I'm still here is for the kids. And when I get into those moods where I had enough and I want to be with a woman she doesn't hesitate. When we're done, we're done and we're back to where we were. But again I have nothing now. And I have itches that need to be scratched that I get tired of dealing with on my own. She's knows how I feel. She knows where this relationship stands. We don't kiss anymore, we don't explore each other like we once do. Not because I don't want to do those things anymore but because I don't want to do them with her. I just want to feel me inside a woman at that moment and that's it. She allows me and I get rid of my urges. Meaningless. But is it wrong?
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